Bringing in the new year 2020

Happy New Year! It has been a very long time since I have blogged. I used to blog all of the time, mainly to document the boys lives. I knew they would grow up too fast. One of my dearest friends was an amazing writer/blogger and I haven't felt inspired to blog since she left this earth. Grief is something people don't typically like to discuss and everyone experiences it differently. I miss my friend so much. She was such an inspiration and encouragement to me. I think of her all of the time though and her memory makes me smile. I had hip surgery on 11/27 and have been non-weight bearing since. Let's tear a bunch of things in your hip and have surgery, it will be fun. Said no one EVER! ;) Seriously though, this time has allowed me to really reflect and rejuvenate. I will have a separate post about my hip surgery soon. I am not good with words or grammar, please don't judge me. :) I have never wanted to be center stage or in the spotlight. Growing up my parents would have my sisters and I perform at church or family reunions, which was way out of my comfort zone. I was painfully shy as a kid. I would turn red and felt like I was going to pass out. So to publish my journey is not something that is easy for me. I'm not seeking sympathy or fame, I'm just wanting to share God's goodness and grace and this is an outlet for me to do that. Everyone has their own story to share and I'm always inspired by each and every one of them. For 27 years people who know me and my story will say, "you are so strong," but it's not my strength, it's the Lord's strength. Without him, I would not be here. Phil 4:13 has been my lifelong verse. "I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength." For many people New Years Day is an exciting time, a happy time of celebrating the new year. It is for me too, but I can't help but wake up every New Years Day remembering 1/1/93. I was just 16. Life was good. I had been on drill team for the past two years and loved the friendships and memories I made. In 1992 my best friend encouraged me to try out for cheerleader because I had always wanted to, but just didn't have the confidence. I tried out and made it...couldn't believe it! I had so much fun that year. On NYE I had been at an all night church lock-in with my friends. We bowled, skated, watched movies, etc. We had a fun time. I drove home from our church on New Years Day around 7:30 am. I stopped to put gas in my car. Back then we had to pay cash for gas, so I went inside and paid the cashier. It was a cold Texas day and I remember having my heater on full blast. I got back in the car to drive home and about a few miles from home I fell asleep driving. I hit a culvert then went air born so I had two impacts. I didn't want my picture taken, so my parents took this while I was sleeping. I'm glad that I have it now though to remember how far I have come.

There was an eye witness in front of me. Thankfully, no other cars were involved. The driver of the car in front of me just so happened to be my G-ma's neighbor. I don't recall talking to him, but I had asked him to stay with me. The next thing I remember was being in the ER and on the stretcher board for a very long time. My back was hurting so much. The hospital in San Marcos was not comfortable taking on my case, they felt my pelvic/sacral injuries were out of their realm, so they transferred me to Seton Hospital in Austin where I received excellent care. The days were long and hard. Doctors were not sure what my neurological function would be, if I would be able to walk again, or have children one day, etc. Doctors told my parents that it was very rare to see someone with my type of injuries to not have a massive head injury or paralysis. Let me just say my family and friends were AMAZING! Their continued , prayers and encouragement have helped me through. My parents made the best decisions they could and were there for me each step of the way. My middle sister and her boyfriend were supposed to announce their engagement the day I had my accident so I kind of spoiled their plans. Lots of peeps visited me. For some it was hard for them to see me. I had two peeps pass out, they will remain nameless. :) I tried to make light of the situation by using humor or holding peoples hands. I would even hold hands with medical staff. For the longest time my Orthopedic Surgeon would tell me that he had a cold and didn't want to get me sick, but after awhile he warmed up to me. lol I said a lot of funny things. Unfortunately I don't recall them all, but one thing I do remember is that I told the plastic surgeon that I wanted paper, not plastic. :) This is a picture of my precious G-ma, who is now 97, displaying more heart felt and encouraging gifts.

As you can see every wall was covered. I felt so loved and these people caring for me had the hands and feet of Jesus. I don't think I was ever left alone. There was always someone with me. I had surgery on my right ankle (talus) where they inserted two pins, they also extracted three teeth that could not be saved. A couple of days later the orthopedic surgeon ordered more images and he didn't like the way my pelvis was shifting. They decided to put me in femoral traction to stabilize my pelvis. If you don't know what traction is, it's pretty barbaric. Basically it's a contraption that your leg is in and there is a metal rod that goes through your knee and sticks out on either side. It has weights on the very end of it to keep it balanced. I was in traction for 4 weeks. I dreaded the daily dressing changes. The cotton balls they used would adhere to the open wounds and let me just say that was no picnic.

Sometime after I was in traction I started to notice that I was not able to move my left foot like I used to. I couldn't dorsiflex (pull up) my foot. I had developed nerve damage from my injuries resulting in foot drop. I will have a separate post about my foot drop soon. It's difficult to be completely dependent and reliant on others for your every need, especially at the young age of 16. I wasn't able to do anything, but just lay there. This was definitely the most painful experience I have ever been through. I had many loving and caring nurses, but I had one favorite nurse. Her name is Sylvia (I wish I had a pic of her) and to this day we still exchange C-mas cards. She was the only one that could move me in a way that wasn't so painful. I had never experienced the presence of God like I did in those painful moments, days, weeks, months. One day I felt him hold my hand. It was so real that I even looked down at my hand to see. Although I couldn't see him physically, he was there. I had many experiences there, you name it I probably had it. This is a pic of my sweet nurses wheeling me out of my room so I could have a change of scenery. It was SO good to get out!

To say I was dizzy is an understatement. Here is a picture of me sitting up for the first time.

My knee was so stiff from being in traction that I could not move it. My Physical Therapist, Carol helped me get the range of motion back. I ended up having ten root canals from my teeth dying from the trauma and I had three oral implants to replace the teeth that I lost. I spent a lot of time in the dentist's chair after I was discharged. I had so many stitches in my mouth from the accident and the extraction of teeth that I was on a liquid diet for awhile and lost 20 pounds. Each day presented it's own unique challenges. Here is a pic of my sisters and I being silly. This was before cell phones. LOL They brightened my day with some of my Granny's famous fried shrimp.

From medications and sponge baths to bed pans and catheters I'll spare you the gory details oh and not to mention PAIN, PAIN, PAIN!

The picture above is my very first time standing. So once I got moved to St. David's rehab facility I graduated from the wheelchair to the walker and at that point was able to go home and continue my physical therapy there. From the walker I transitioned to both crutches down to one and eventually a cane. God willing I could walk again. I did have babies. I do have nerve damage and chronic pain, but it could be SO much worse. I'm grateful for so many things...too many to mention. I have considered every scenario of outcomes and God is so so good! Eventually I was able to get caught up on my school work and was able to graduate with my graduating class the following year. Anesthesia can do some weird things to not only my hair but my brain. ;) I have been under anesthesia at least 16 times and I feel like it remains in my system for awhile after surgery. In the past five years I have had four big surgeries (2 back, 1 foot, 1 hip) and the year that I had "off" my son had surgery on his broken arm. LOL My new years resolution each year is to not have surgery. Seriously! :) Sometimes I honestly feel like the surgeries will never end, but I'm grateful that I'm not dealing with something life threatening. Some people do not know my story so today I wanted to share. For everyone that has been by my side, old peeps and new I want to say thank you! From the bottom of my heart, I appreciate you. I hope that when things get tough, whatever your situation may be, that God will guide you through the storm and give you the supernatural strength and peace that only he can give. I hope each of you have a year full of much love and happiness. Phil 1:3

Back then it only cost .35 for Tylenol. LOL I blamed myself for many years. I wished I had been a more responsible driver. The choices that we make can affect us for the rest of our lives. I heard this song a few years ago and fell in love with it so I'll sign off with this: Dear younger me Where do I start If I could tell you everything that I have learned so far Then you could be One step ahead Of all the painful memories still running thru my head I wonder how much different things would be Dear younger me, Dear younger me I cannot decide Do I give some speech about how to get the most out of your life Or do I go deep And try to change The choices that you'll make cuz they're choices that made me Even though I love this crazy life Sometimes I wish it was a smoother ride Dear younger me, dear younger me If I knew then what I know now Condemnation would've had no power My joy my pain would've never been my worth If I knew then what I know now Would've not been hard to figure out What I would've changed if I had heard Dear younger me It's not your fault You were never meant to carry this beyond the cross Dear younger me You are holy You are righteous You are one of the redeemed Set apart a brand new heart You are free indeed Every mountain every valley Thru each heartache you will see Every moment brings you closer To who you were meant to be Dear younger me, dear younger me You are holy You are righteous You are one of the redeemed Set apart a brand new heart You are free indeed You are holy You are righteous You are one of the redeemed Set apart a brand new heart You are free indeed You are holy You are righteous You are one of the redeemed Set apart a brand new heart You are free indeed