22 years of marriage with my guy

August 22, 1998 we got married on a rainy summer day.  It was a sweet day, shared with many loved ones.  I remember people giving us all kinds of advice about marriage. It's kind of like kids though, you don't really get it until you have them. One thing that people did not tell us is that marriage takes work. It's not always rainbows and sunshine. Each day I have to make the choice to love.  I don't always get it right, but I never give up on trying. I can be difficult, stubborn, hard headed...not the qualities that are that necessarily easy to live with. Remember that song, "it takes two to make a thing go right. It takes two to make it outta sight." Rob Base :) It's true, it takes two! Now please don't hear me wrong, I'm not saying that every marriage is worth fighting for. There is divorce in my family and I have many friends who have divorced for very good reasons. But I wanted to be open and honest. So today, on our anniversary, I want to celebrate the good and the bad because they all got us to where we are today.  We wouldn't be who we are today without the struggles.  Kevin is my right hand man and I look forward to many more years together.

Happy 14th Birthday, Big Phil! 8/1

Happy 14th birthday, Big Phil! 

Today is your actual birthday, but every day I celebrate you.  You had a rough start, being 6 weeks early, but in God's time you caught up to where you needed to be.  God chose me to be your mom and I'm forever grateful. You are easy going, fun, witty, loving, kind, thoughtful, smart, a loyal and very good friend, a good listener, and encourager, a fierce competitor, and you give the best hugs. I love all the Phillipisms that you say. You truly are a gift from God. I hope this year is filled with God's greatest blessings.  I pray your walk with him continues to strengthen and that you learn to rely on him even more. I love you, son! 

Catching up...

Do you ever wake up and start your day just to hear more bad news? Lately I feel like I hear more negative than positive.  So much has happened in our world. There is so much sadness, illness, grief, loss, etc. It is overwhelming at times.  Do you ever feel like it's becoming more and more difficult to remain positive? Today, I prayed that the positive would over shadow the negative.  That we would be focused on the positive things that are happening and less on the negative. So one positive thing that is happening is that we are starting school on August 10th.  I am very optimistic about our upcoming school year and so very excited to see our littles.  I was at school yesterday and just seeing my work peeps made my heart so happy.  As much as I am an introvert and really haven't minded social distancing, I have missed my team. Together we are stronger and every time we are together I see the incredibly hard workers that they each are. Praying for a smooth start to the new school year, for peace, and a whole lot of grace as we navigate differently.  

RIP Barty boy

Our sweet Bart passed away in June.  We rescued him at the age of 3 and he was just a week away from turning 13.  Life is different and quiet without the little guy.  I'm realizing, as I know longer have to toddler proof the house, that he was quite a challenging dog.  I guess every rescue comes with unknown benefits, but we loved him anyway.  We do really miss him. Our other dogs, in particular our Claire Bear, have really missed him too.  It's interesting to see how dogs grieve.  And it's SO easy with just two dogs.  LOL There will definitely never be another Bart. RIP, my boy.  

My Valentine!

My Grana always thought we had such a sweet love story, so today I would like to share it. When I was 21, still living at home near Austin, I went back to Physical Therapy to try and strengthen my foot/leg. So many times when I went, which was around twice a week, there was a male patient close to my age who was there. He was usually telling jokes while riding the stationary bike. I did notice him because he was funny, although he would say today that I secretly had a crush on the Physical Therapist. (no comment :) One day he stopped me as I was walking into the building and he was leaving. He introduced himself and asked me what had happened. He had torn his ACL playing soccer and had surgery. We chatted for a bit and then I left. Not too many days had passed when the Physical Therapist Assistant contacted me and asked me if she could have my permission to give him  my phone number. I asked why he wanted it and she said that he wanted to ask me a question. I had NO idea what he would want to ask me. Can you say CLUELESS??? So he called and we talked for hours. Even though we were very different it did feel like we had known each other forever. He asked me to go to a concert in Austin. The only reason this happened was because my dad was out of town! HA! We hit it off, married a year later, and moved to Dallas. Yes, this small town girl moved to BIG D. We have been married for 21 years. Transitioning to Dallas and away from my family and friends was hard at times and it is true what they say. You can take the girl out of the country, but you can never take the country out of the girl. This guy has inspired, encouraged, loved me unconditionally, cared for me, and challenged me to do things I didn't know were possible. Thank you, Kevin for always being there for me. "You're all I need, my love, my Valentine." (one of the songs that was in our wedding)

See you later, Grana! 1/31/20 ❤️

On Friday, 1/24/20 my 97 year old Grana got to go be with Jesus, something she was really looking forward to. I can’t imagine what the reunion between she and my Gpa or her son, Skipper must have been like. As a believer we grieve, but we grieve with hope. I already miss her so incredibly much. When I had some exciting news to share she was always at the top of my list of people to share it with. She was a faithful prayer warrior and prayed me through so many obstacles over the last 43 years. She was filled with God’s love and grace. I went to visit my family the weekend before she passed away. I got to spend two whole days with her and that was a huge blessing to me. She waved goodbye to me as normal. She would always stand at the door and watch me leave. As I drove away I  was overcome with emotion and couldn’t fight back the tears, something that doesn’t normally occur as I leave. It has been tough to say goodbye, so we are saying see you later. She will be waiting for us and then I will receive more Grana hugs. As we were about to hang up the phone I would say, “I love you,” but she would always end with, “I love you more.”

LOVE

February is one of my favorite months of the year. God's love is so amazing and sometimes I need to be reminded of that. I fail him time and time again, but he still meets me where I am and loves me unconditionally.  I'm so thankful for God's goodness and grace. I need to look at others the way Jesus looks at them, with LOVE. Why is this so hard to do and so easy to say? Lord, help me to see others through your eyes. I want to judge less, and love MORE. When I try to do this without you I fail, but I know that with your help anything is possible. I need to be mindful every. single. day. that Jesus loves everyone, no one is exempt. I want to do all things with love, even while driving. ;)  They will know us by our love. There is nothing too big for God, there's no sin too great. Run to the Father. He's here for you with arms wide open. Remember as you go about your day today Jesus loves you and so do I! This has become one of my fave songs.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. Happy February everyone! Love BIG!😍

"Beloved let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love." 1 John 4:7-8 "And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." Romans 5:5 "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16 "As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you. Abide in my love." John 15:9 "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these." Mark 12:30-31

L4-L5 360 Spinal Fusion-2/17

I had back surgery in April of 2016 to remove a pesky synovial cyst. It was causing new pain in my back and leg. In December of 2016 it decided to return, so we did a spinal fusion to remove it permanently. I was only in the hospital for two days and would have been released sooner had my blood pressure been cooperative. It would drop every time I would try to stand up. I had the option of a 360 fusion where they go through the stomach and the back, or they could just go through the back. I decided to have the 360 because the surgeon told me his patients have a higher success rate with it. It was a 6 month recovery and well worth it. I still have my normal sacral pain from my fractures, but the area they operated on is good. I highly recommend Dr. Denning with Dallas Neurosurgical & Spine Associates. He performed both of my back surgeries and did an awesome job! Has an excellent bed side manner too, which is sometimes difficult to find.

My car jam 𝅘𝅥𝅰𝅘𝅥𝅰

Happy Hump Day! Music has always spoken to me. My sisters and I grew up singing at church together and at family reunions. And although I do not enjoy performing in front of people, I do have some precious memories of us singing together. Some of my most heartfelt Jesus moments though have been in my car jamming out to a song on the radio. I have heard others say the same thing... so why is this? I think for me personally any time I get behind the wheel of a car I know that things can change in an instant. This instantly creates a moment of surrender to God. That my life is in his hands and I have to continue to trust his will for my life no matter what. No matter the crisis, the illness, the surgery, etc. he's there for me and wants the best for me. When Jesus is in the center of your life you have the tools you need to overcome any obstacle in this life. 




John 16:33 says, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Prime Time Tendon Tackle-12/17

You may not know this about me, but I love everything football. It is my jam. As the season winds down I do get a little sad. I know some of you can relate. ;) First of all, let me just say that I will be the first to admit that I have the ugliest feet on the planet:) I’m pretty sure the virtual world will never be quite the same after viewing these pics. Lol I do not like for people to see them, so to post pics of my feet is highly uncharacteristic of me. HA! But at the end of the day, I have feet and for that I am grateful. I will have pretty feet in heaven one day. In 2017 I went to the doctor because I was having issues with my right foot, which is not uncommon for me, but the surgeon started discussing my left foot drop during the appt. He wanted to make me aware of a surgery that could potentially get me out of the leg brace and make my foot more functional. Up until this point, I had only heard of fusing the bone, which was something I wasn’t interested in doing long term. I just didn’t feel that it was the best solution for me and felt like in time, with technology advancements, there might be something better in the future. So I was all ears! I prayed for clarity as to whether or not to have the surgery and God gave me that. I have had surgery on my right foot three times and surgery on my left foot once. In December of 2017 I tackled the Posterior Tibial Tendon Transfer (that's a mouthful...try saying it 5 times really fast lol) to help re position my foot and give me the dorsiflexion that I need to walk unassisted. I have foot drop from the nerve damage (from pelvic/sacral fractures) that I sustained from my car wreck in 1993, this is what causes me to limp.(in case you ever wondered) Prior to this surgery, I had plantar flexion where I could point or push off my foot, but I no longer have that because they re-routed the tendon. It was more important for me to be able to dorsiflex my foot. The other thing the surgeon did was he lengthened my Achilles's tendon because as you can see in the next to last picture I wasn't able to put my foot down all the way. I have not worn my leg brace (AFO) since the summer of 2018. And let me tell you I have quite a collection of braces. LOL For many years I would buy two different sizes of shoes so that it was large enough to fit over the brace, or I would buy a size too large for my right foot and wear extra socks and hold on tight during each step. lol It has been a much needed break since I have worn it for so long. It was rubbing on the bones of the side of my atrophied foot more and more and just not comfortable to wear. Things that are difficult to do are climbing hills, going down hills, running, stairs, toe raises, or even just pushing off your toe to reach something in a tall cabinet, wearing flip flops, or any shoe that doesn’t have a back around the heel, etc, This has been one of my most painful recoveries to date. The new normal has come with it's own set of issues, but overall I'm still really pleased with the surgery. The first picture is prior to surgery. You can see how my foot turns inward and down and after the surgery it is upright. This was kind of an emotional surgery for me. I have lived with this condition for more than half of my life so it just kind of became a part of me. It’s actually hard to remember what life was like without it. I prayed for complete healing of my foot, but God answered my prayer differently. (at least for now) The brace was my saving grace at times. We did have a love/hate relationship though because it was so uncomfortable. Even though I still have the condition, life is more fun without the brace. It is definitely more comfortable, I don't trip nearly as often as I used to, and it's one less appointment that I need to attend throughout the year for new straps/adjustments, etc. When you live with foot drop every step is on the fore front of your mind because you don't want to trip and fall. Falling at my age can be bad news.🙈 At the young age of 16, I didn’t fully comprehend the extent of my injuries and what that meant for the rest of my life. Those of you who have nerve damage know that the area can be hypersensitive. If I step on a little tiny pebble it feels like a sharp rock. It's weird because there are areas that are numb, but then there are areas that are overly sensitive. My left foot sometimes reminds me of a stubborn dog that won’t walk on a leash. It just sits there. Oh and my left leg and my foot are always cold. One of my favorite things so far was last summer I didn't need to wear my brace to the beach. My feet hit the sand all on their own. Freedom! And I didn't have to take my brace on and off going through security at the airport which was AWESOME!I thank God for allowing me to have foot drop, it really has made me appreciate things more. And without foot drop I would have never met my husband. (blog post about that coming soon) I am thankful there was a surgery that could allow me time out of the brace. I love this verse "I will not let your foot slip, he who watches over you does not slumber." Psalm 121:3 and Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to give you a hope and a future."

6 weeks no weight.

Do you think my pj's look like your 97 year old Granny's? Yeah, me either. I'm always about comfort though. :)

Apparently it's not uncommon for someone who has foot drop to experience foot discoloration after hip surgery. Who knew! Enjoy the rest of football season. :)

HIPageddon 2019

The Hipageddon of 2019 actually began in August of 2018. I started to have issues/pain with my left hip. I had two injections with no relief. The doctor encouraged me to have surgery last May, but I wanted to continue with physical therapy a little longer to see if my condition could improve. For me personally, I'm not a big fan of medications, so I didn't try anything other than an anti-inflammatory. I try to give my body time to fight things off/repair before going to the doctor, surgery, etc. By the time August rolled around I was still not 100%, so I made the decision to have surgery during Thanksgiving break. Because I work at a school, I decided that would be a great time to get her done. Both of my sisters, who are two of the most selfless people I know, carved out precious time out of their busy schedules to come help me. And my wonderful niece, Annie came as well. ;) A huge shout out to everyone who helped, especially my CCA Family. The thoughtful gifts, meals, gift cards, flowers, etc. were a true expression of God's love. From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU!

Tomorrow, 1/7, I go back to the doctor for x-rays and to see if I can start to put weight on my left leg and start physical therapy. Here are the images from my surgery. The x-ray is the image of where the dr shaved the bone. I was too out of it during recovery to recall what the other ones represent, but I tore several things. (labrum, gluteus, cartilage, etc.) Hip Surgery Tips: Start taking Dulcolax a week before surgery! Seriously :) You will have more soreness than pain, get off pain meds asap to help. Ladies-have your hair highlighted/cut a few days before surgery, bathe with an antibacterial soap a few days to a week prior to surgery (your doctor may recommend a specific kind), remove your nail polish prior to surgery, trim your toe nails prior to surgery, shave body parts prior to surgery, shower and wash your hair the morning of surgery, For non-weight bearing: make sure you have a shower chair, if you have terrible balance on crutches, use a walker, if you use a walker, add tennis balls to the back legs so that you don't drive your spouse crazy with the loud noise that it makes as you walk to the restroom in the middle of the night :) a wheelchair is so nice to have as well, If you remove the legs on the wheelchair it makes it much easier to vacuum and move around the house, The wheelchair is the perfect height to clean all kitchen drawers out when you are extremely bored, install handles on the bathroom walls to make it easier to get on/off the toilet, if you have steps going into your house, build a cheap ramp out of plywood, invest in a good ice pack (a good one should cost $20-30), Keep a basket of items near your side of the bed that are within reach (deodorant, perfume, lotion, chap stick, hair brush, hand soap, vitamins, etc.) , Try to wear clothes that have pockets where you can easily store things or travel from room to room with Keep a grabber nearby, Listen to your body. If you are in pain then you have probably over done it and need to binge watch tv

Update: My x-rays looked good yesterday. I can bear weight now and wean off the walker/wheelchair within two weeks from now. I'm starting Physical Therapy on Friday and will go back to work on Monday. YAY! Thanks for the continued prayers.

Update:week 8, I’m weaning off of the crutches and going to Physical Therapy twice a week. I’ll be in PT for 3 months and In 4 months I will be able to use my elliptical again-yay!

Bringing in the new year 2020

Happy New Year! It has been a very long time since I have blogged. I used to blog all of the time, mainly to document the boys lives. I knew they would grow up too fast. One of my dearest friends was an amazing writer/blogger and I haven't felt inspired to blog since she left this earth. Grief is something people don't typically like to discuss and everyone experiences it differently. I miss my friend so much. She was such an inspiration and encouragement to me. I think of her all of the time though and her memory makes me smile. I had hip surgery on 11/27 and have been non-weight bearing since. Let's tear a bunch of things in your hip and have surgery, it will be fun. Said no one EVER! ;) Seriously though, this time has allowed me to really reflect and rejuvenate. I will have a separate post about my hip surgery soon. I am not good with words or grammar, please don't judge me. :) I have never wanted to be center stage or in the spotlight. Growing up my parents would have my sisters and I perform at church or family reunions, which was way out of my comfort zone. I was painfully shy as a kid. I would turn red and felt like I was going to pass out. So to publish my journey is not something that is easy for me. I'm not seeking sympathy or fame, I'm just wanting to share God's goodness and grace and this is an outlet for me to do that. Everyone has their own story to share and I'm always inspired by each and every one of them. For 27 years people who know me and my story will say, "you are so strong," but it's not my strength, it's the Lord's strength. Without him, I would not be here. Phil 4:13 has been my lifelong verse. "I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength." For many people New Years Day is an exciting time, a happy time of celebrating the new year. It is for me too, but I can't help but wake up every New Years Day remembering 1/1/93. I was just 16. Life was good. I had been on drill team for the past two years and loved the friendships and memories I made. In 1992 my best friend encouraged me to try out for cheerleader because I had always wanted to, but just didn't have the confidence. I tried out and made it...couldn't believe it! I had so much fun that year. On NYE I had been at an all night church lock-in with my friends. We bowled, skated, watched movies, etc. We had a fun time. I drove home from our church on New Years Day around 7:30 am. I stopped to put gas in my car. Back then we had to pay cash for gas, so I went inside and paid the cashier. It was a cold Texas day and I remember having my heater on full blast. I got back in the car to drive home and about a few miles from home I fell asleep driving. I hit a culvert then went air born so I had two impacts. I didn't want my picture taken, so my parents took this while I was sleeping. I'm glad that I have it now though to remember how far I have come.

There was an eye witness in front of me. Thankfully, no other cars were involved. The driver of the car in front of me just so happened to be my G-ma's neighbor. I don't recall talking to him, but I had asked him to stay with me. The next thing I remember was being in the ER and on the stretcher board for a very long time. My back was hurting so much. The hospital in San Marcos was not comfortable taking on my case, they felt my pelvic/sacral injuries were out of their realm, so they transferred me to Seton Hospital in Austin where I received excellent care. The days were long and hard. Doctors were not sure what my neurological function would be, if I would be able to walk again, or have children one day, etc. Doctors told my parents that it was very rare to see someone with my type of injuries to not have a massive head injury or paralysis. Let me just say my family and friends were AMAZING! Their continued , prayers and encouragement have helped me through. My parents made the best decisions they could and were there for me each step of the way. My middle sister and her boyfriend were supposed to announce their engagement the day I had my accident so I kind of spoiled their plans. Lots of peeps visited me. For some it was hard for them to see me. I had two peeps pass out, they will remain nameless. :) I tried to make light of the situation by using humor or holding peoples hands. I would even hold hands with medical staff. For the longest time my Orthopedic Surgeon would tell me that he had a cold and didn't want to get me sick, but after awhile he warmed up to me. lol I said a lot of funny things. Unfortunately I don't recall them all, but one thing I do remember is that I told the plastic surgeon that I wanted paper, not plastic. :) This is a picture of my precious G-ma, who is now 97, displaying more heart felt and encouraging gifts.

As you can see every wall was covered. I felt so loved and these people caring for me had the hands and feet of Jesus. I don't think I was ever left alone. There was always someone with me. I had surgery on my right ankle (talus) where they inserted two pins, they also extracted three teeth that could not be saved. A couple of days later the orthopedic surgeon ordered more images and he didn't like the way my pelvis was shifting. They decided to put me in femoral traction to stabilize my pelvis. If you don't know what traction is, it's pretty barbaric. Basically it's a contraption that your leg is in and there is a metal rod that goes through your knee and sticks out on either side. It has weights on the very end of it to keep it balanced. I was in traction for 4 weeks. I dreaded the daily dressing changes. The cotton balls they used would adhere to the open wounds and let me just say that was no picnic.

Sometime after I was in traction I started to notice that I was not able to move my left foot like I used to. I couldn't dorsiflex (pull up) my foot. I had developed nerve damage from my injuries resulting in foot drop. I will have a separate post about my foot drop soon. It's difficult to be completely dependent and reliant on others for your every need, especially at the young age of 16. I wasn't able to do anything, but just lay there. This was definitely the most painful experience I have ever been through. I had many loving and caring nurses, but I had one favorite nurse. Her name is Sylvia (I wish I had a pic of her) and to this day we still exchange C-mas cards. She was the only one that could move me in a way that wasn't so painful. I had never experienced the presence of God like I did in those painful moments, days, weeks, months. One day I felt him hold my hand. It was so real that I even looked down at my hand to see. Although I couldn't see him physically, he was there. I had many experiences there, you name it I probably had it. This is a pic of my sweet nurses wheeling me out of my room so I could have a change of scenery. It was SO good to get out!

To say I was dizzy is an understatement. Here is a picture of me sitting up for the first time.

My knee was so stiff from being in traction that I could not move it. My Physical Therapist, Carol helped me get the range of motion back. I ended up having ten root canals from my teeth dying from the trauma and I had three oral implants to replace the teeth that I lost. I spent a lot of time in the dentist's chair after I was discharged. I had so many stitches in my mouth from the accident and the extraction of teeth that I was on a liquid diet for awhile and lost 20 pounds. Each day presented it's own unique challenges. Here is a pic of my sisters and I being silly. This was before cell phones. LOL They brightened my day with some of my Granny's famous fried shrimp.

From medications and sponge baths to bed pans and catheters I'll spare you the gory details oh and not to mention PAIN, PAIN, PAIN!

The picture above is my very first time standing. So once I got moved to St. David's rehab facility I graduated from the wheelchair to the walker and at that point was able to go home and continue my physical therapy there. From the walker I transitioned to both crutches down to one and eventually a cane. God willing I could walk again. I did have babies. I do have nerve damage and chronic pain, but it could be SO much worse. I'm grateful for so many things...too many to mention. I have considered every scenario of outcomes and God is so so good! Eventually I was able to get caught up on my school work and was able to graduate with my graduating class the following year. Anesthesia can do some weird things to not only my hair but my brain. ;) I have been under anesthesia at least 16 times and I feel like it remains in my system for awhile after surgery. In the past five years I have had four big surgeries (2 back, 1 foot, 1 hip) and the year that I had "off" my son had surgery on his broken arm. LOL My new years resolution each year is to not have surgery. Seriously! :) Sometimes I honestly feel like the surgeries will never end, but I'm grateful that I'm not dealing with something life threatening. Some people do not know my story so today I wanted to share. For everyone that has been by my side, old peeps and new I want to say thank you! From the bottom of my heart, I appreciate you. I hope that when things get tough, whatever your situation may be, that God will guide you through the storm and give you the supernatural strength and peace that only he can give. I hope each of you have a year full of much love and happiness. Phil 1:3

Back then it only cost .35 for Tylenol. LOL I blamed myself for many years. I wished I had been a more responsible driver. The choices that we make can affect us for the rest of our lives. I heard this song a few years ago and fell in love with it so I'll sign off with this: Dear younger me Where do I start If I could tell you everything that I have learned so far Then you could be One step ahead Of all the painful memories still running thru my head I wonder how much different things would be Dear younger me, Dear younger me I cannot decide Do I give some speech about how to get the most out of your life Or do I go deep And try to change The choices that you'll make cuz they're choices that made me Even though I love this crazy life Sometimes I wish it was a smoother ride Dear younger me, dear younger me If I knew then what I know now Condemnation would've had no power My joy my pain would've never been my worth If I knew then what I know now Would've not been hard to figure out What I would've changed if I had heard Dear younger me It's not your fault You were never meant to carry this beyond the cross Dear younger me You are holy You are righteous You are one of the redeemed Set apart a brand new heart You are free indeed Every mountain every valley Thru each heartache you will see Every moment brings you closer To who you were meant to be Dear younger me, dear younger me You are holy You are righteous You are one of the redeemed Set apart a brand new heart You are free indeed You are holy You are righteous You are one of the redeemed Set apart a brand new heart You are free indeed You are holy You are righteous You are one of the redeemed Set apart a brand new heart You are free indeed